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embarrassing

I remember way back when I was in high school and had a crush on one of the hottest (I thought so at least) girls in school. We had a few classes with each other and over the course of the school we got to know one another a bit. Nothing major just chit chat walking to class here and there occasionally sitting with each other at lunch if we couldn’t find any of our respective clicks to sit with. As the end of the school year was approaching so was that horribly awkward time when every guy was expected to man up and ask some girl to the prom. My whole high school career I had been dreading this moment in time. Ya see I have never been quite the lady killer if ya know what I mean. I was that one guy who girls always likened me to their brother not the guy they wanted to hook up with after the game at some keger in the woods. As the time was quickly approaching to make a fool of myself I could only think of one girl that was worth receiving the inevitable rejection from. Ya guessed it, the hot chick that I had gotten to know over the year. So one day I gathered the courage up approached the hot girl and popped the question, will ya goto prom with me? The answer came quick and swift “I would if I wasn’t gay.” Now I had been turned many times before but never like that. “I would if I wasn’t gay”, I had no idea if she was telling the truth or not but I wasn’t going to ask. Needless to say I spent prom at home playing Donkey Kong on my No-friend-o.

The nose didn’t know.

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November 9th, 2012 by bugboy (Shasta Lake California)

I once met a girl in my Interpersonal Communications class at college, and throughout the semester I would think of ways to talk to her. One day I finally worked up the courage to ask her on a date, and she had actually accepted. I was so excited I prepared all week for the date. Finally the night had arrived and we went to dinner. The date was fine, and afterwards we talked in her car for a little while and finally we wrapped the night up with a hug. I had thought it was a successful date, but a week later she had not talked to me, except the occasional hi. She eventually told me that she wasn’t interested in me. I found out a couple years later by a close friend that she had been told it was because I had hair growing on my nose. Up until that point I had never realized that I had nose hair. A simple shave could of made my date go a lot smoother.

I was waiting and waiting for the day that this girl and I were suppose to go out to a movie and then have dinner afterwards. I was so excited for the day to arrive since it was my first actual date and I was still a teenager. I arrived at her house to pick her up and then we went off the the movie theatre to go watch a quick comedy flick. The night was going smooth and we were having a great time. The movie started to get a little boring so I wrapped my arm around her and leaned in for the first kiss of the night…but that kiss turned into an accidental sneeze that landed directly into her face. I was so embarassed and the night was well ruined so I thought I would make up for it by taking her out to dinner. We went to her favorite restaraunt to eat and I paid for her food. The waiter came with the order and placed it on the table. We started to eat and we were laughing so I was feeling good about the rest of the night. I went to lean in once again to give her a small kiss from across the table and I accidentally knocked her drink over and it went all over her shirt and pants. She stood up from shock and screamed, ran off to the bathroom, and went to clean herself off. She came back to the table and told me that she wanted me to take her home. So after two depressing moments in the night I decided to finally take her back home and just end the first date. After that she never returned any phone calls or messages. Talk about a very bad first date!

David was a great kisser. He really knew how to pull you in close and give you a passionate, roll your eyes to the back of the head kiss. Heck even my mom was jealous when she saw us sucking face in her living room. David made a lot of promises that a naive 18 yr old girl about to graduate from high school would fall for. Especially one who had a bad complexion, thick glasses and an introverted personality. With his dark curly hair, solid build, and olive skin most girls would drool. add to that he promised we could go over his aunt’s horse farm after prom. What girl’s jaw wouldn’t drop. Alas, David was a lady’s man and his promises were mere pipe dreams. He “fell in love” with someone else a week or so later and I ended up asking a friend to prom instead…a friend who eventually became my husband of 15 years. So girls keep your chins up. If the first fish gets away keep fishing because there’s plenty more.

Exchanging “Kisses”

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October 18th, 2012 by The Inhaler (Lubbock, TX)

The first girl that I ever went on an actual date with did not turn out quite like I imagined. I did the cliche date that I had always heard about growing up, dinner followed by a movie. I had also heard growing up that there was the chance of a “goodnight kiss”, so I was excited and nervous. I had practiced my kissing, on pillows and hands of course, all week leading up to the date. I couldn’t wait for that magical moment that we would get to kiss. We ate dinner at a fast food hamburger place, keep in mind that I was in high school, and then went to the theater to see some comedy movie. During the movie, we were holding hands, and I decided to go for it. I leaned in and planted a kiss on her. The kiss was going well at first, but as our lips parted, there was suddenly a rush of air filling my mouth along with a small grunting sound. My magical first kissed had turned into her burping in my open mouth. My cheeks puffed out, and I wasn’t quite sure what to do. I didn’t want to swallow her burp air, so I of course, blew it back into her mouth. Needless to say, the mood was killed, and we had no second date.

I had to do a project with a girl in my class, and all during our meeting she talked about the blind date she was going on and how nervous she was. I ended up doing all the work and told her that she was really no help to me. After that, she was very bitchy and threw me some nice insults before she stormed off. That night, me and my friend went on a double date with this girl he liked and her friend. The friend (who was supposed to be for me) was the girl from my class. It went on from there, we didn’t say one word to each other and my friend cant really keep conversation. On top of that, my friend tried to make conversation on how great a friend I was, and that the girl is lucky to have this opportunity with me. Then my friend payed the check and the girl my friend was interested in never called him again. I felt bad but it was probably for the best.

A couple of years ago I got out of a horrible relationship. The relationship lasted 3 years so I was pretty bummed when I was dumped. I decided to start dating again so I recruited all my friends to find me single men. This was a huge mistake, as some of my friends have completely different tastes in men than I do. I went on at least twenty dates, and they all became a blur until the very last one. My friend Cara set me up with her older brother’s roommate, Travis. She told me he was tall and had dark hair, which I’m attracted to tall, dark, and handsome men. I agreed to meet him at the Rec Plex to go ice skating. I drove up to the Rec Plex and waited for Travis by the entry as we planned. I saw someone drop this awkwardly lanky guy off. He had a baby blue scarf and a hat with the ball at the end of it. I thought, ladies and gentlemen we have a winner, as he shook my hand vigorously and mumbled “Travis”. You see Travis was nervous about the date, but he was more nervous about ice skating. He said “I’ve never been ice skating before, and I’ll end up in the emergency room. There will be blood everywhere.” I told him hew was overreacting and to try. We made it one lap and he slipped. A little girl skates right over his hand. I gasped. He was in the fetal position on the ice. We had to rush him to the hospital. The whole ride there he was crying and saying he was right. I felt terrible. When we got to the ER, the nurse asked me if I was his girlfriend, and I said “Hell no!”

The Third Wheel

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March 21st, 2012 by John (San Diego, California)

So I arranged a first date with a girl who I liked to go to a Padres baseball game. I told a friend, Raul, about it and he suggested that he ask out a girl that he was interested in and we could do a double first date. Now Raul is the friend that everyone in the group knows is an idiot. We all loved him but he wasn’t the guy who you wanted to go with on a date. He did already have four tickets, so I reluctantly accepted. In addition, since we all lived on campus and he had the biggest car he volunteered to drive us all. I should have known better. So the day came and he picked up me and the girl, who had been hanging out. As soon as he gets in the car, his date called and cancelled. Now it was a first date with a girl that I liked, plus the friend who wouldn’t shut up. And it wasn’t just chatter. He talked about all the stuff that guys talk about without girls around; crude sexual jokes, masturbating, other dumb stuff. My night (the game ended up lasting for 3.5 hours) was mainly doing damage control. I barely spoke to my date one on one. By the time the game was over and we got back to my place, I tried to laugh it off as just Raul being Raul, but the damage was done. Suffice to say I never heard from this girl again.

Trapped in the Car Park!

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March 10th, 2012 by Bella (melbourne, victoria)

My worst date happened when we got locked in a car park. We where locked in for over two hours repeatedly ringing security who eventually turned up and tried to charge us 100 dollars for over staying our parking time! We argued with them for half an hour before they opened the gates and let us go for free!

I once met a guy on a social networking website when I was somewhat desperate and lonely after a break up from my 3 year relationship with an ex boyfriend. This guy seemed amazing! We had so many things in common. He had the same awesome sense of humor as myself and really did make me laugh. Finally, after begging for awhile, he emailed me a picture of himself. He looked so cute, dressed up in some silly 1900’s gangster costume in a sepia posed picture. He said it was an old Halloween pic someone took of him. As we were getting closer to meeting, though, some things were beginning to make very little sense. He said he was my age, 27, but he sounded on the phone like a guy in his forties. Finally, he admitted the picture from Halloween wasn’t even himself. Once I told him how I felt about that, he started making some crazy talk about his ex wife and not being in control and other random things. Before we even established our first date, this faux 40 year old embittered man lied to me, sobbed into the phone, and generally put me off dating for a very long time. I still haven’t attempted it since then.